Me as anyone else, I'm getting older and I've left behind little by little something that I've always liked: the videogames. In my heart I'm still playing something, but I'm not patient anymore to play games on my pc. So I've decided to write a little novel that has roots in the role playing games. Also I like ambiental music and I'm trying to combine the story with the music and I'm uploading by time to time a clip that inspires the story. But this is not all. I'm trying to make the story interactive, just like a game, and I found a simple way to have it working. You can find the rules on the right.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

(X) Testament

After one week of preparing, I've got enough stuff to go, but I didn't found an occasion to be alone with Gaudo so far. Maybe is not a bad idea to let someone know that the situation is going wrong here. My flu is gone by now, I'm just a little tired. I couldn't rest because I had to run after equipment. I've recovered my backpack; it was taken from me by a man who was exiled later. He was caught stealing during the night from the unguarded side of the cave. I think that when the things were going well, the migration group was better organized. Now it has to confront looting, flu, cold weather and insufficient space for all the people. The 'shadow' remained inducting his beliefs and gained more influence each day over these poor people. Maybe his intentions are good, but I'm sure that is not right to lead other people after his purposes; maybe the other people’s plans don’t match with his plans. He gained so much influence on the people that his authority can't be challenged. I will leave soon, but I'll let someone know the truth. Until Gaudo will join me to a cup of tea at this campfire I will take a look at the chunk of paper. Gaudo succeeded to rescue it from looters when I've felt unconscious. He seen my marks, the map I'm drawing - which actually is based on my route that I walked till this cave. He said that I've done a good job with this, if I want to travel back through the snow. I think that in one week from now I'll be leaving, hopefully, together with Gaudo. As I've noted on the paper, the first place where we can camp is not too far, which is good because I have time to look for Oldie. Poor Oldie... it's all alone out there, if is still alive... I remember that at the last place where I camped when I came here were traps for animals. I would hear if it been caught in those traps, since people are hunting everyday in the vicinity. I miss my cigarettes. If I'll find Oldie, I'll have some cigarettes again. I've shared some tea to these three guys that seats around the fire with me. One of them gave me yesterday a hat in exchange of a favor; if I manage to reach my home, he wants to make a detour and send a message to the people from his village. He wants to transmit to those people that he will get back in the spring if nothing bad happens and he will bring them some useful items for living. Also he gave me some roots; in his area you can't find these plants that he wants to plant at home. My contact will be a woman named "Pire" - I've noted on my paper. He didn't give me too much for the favor I'm making, but he doesn't have anything valuable in exchange and his intentions are to help.
I can see now Gaudo’s heavy shadow on the rocks while he approaches. His clothes are heavy and make him look even older. Maybe this is the secret of his success in society.
“Seat Gaudo”, I told him when seeing that he’s not sure of what to do. “There is some tea for you waiting”, I said smiling to him. “How is your wife? Have you seen her these days?”
“I told her about your mad plan of leaving. She thinks that you are crazy, but maybe you know something we do not. She said that even if the weather wouldn’t be that harsh, she can’t let the children here.” says Gaudo while throwing his equipment. "Now, you are ready to leave. What you gonna do?! Do you need some advices for the road?", he asked me.
"I want you to go with me; and your wife too. You must understand something. All the people in this cave are here because of a purpose that is less important than it was. I know why all the people in this cave gathered here and as far as I know, more than a half of the people believe that I am the man that brings evil, because there are many similarities between me and the hero of this mad story. Just think a little: if I go from here, then is not me the evil character that these people awaits; if you come with me you will not have the same destiny as the other people in the group; and most of all, I think that now is not a secret that the things goes badly each day. Maybe will be better to go for help!” I said.
All the people were looking astonished at me and the only think you could hear was the fire clacks. They are both scared and surprised about my confession. I don't have time anymore to explain it in a easier way. Gaudo is almost convinced I think, but these other guys looks like they still believe in their purpose. Either if I've convinced them or not, it will sure have a positive effect. Is enough for me if they spread my words. Someone at least will trust in me and will follow me.
"Why did you came here, then?" asked me one of the three guys.
"I had reasons to believe that this migration has a connection with me after I've heard how it all started." I said. "My purpose here was, although I didn't know, to get people back from this abyss. Now is time to end this story. I will leave soon.” I've finished my declaration.


...About crowds... The way that the crowd moves represents a unique way of thinking. All the people in the crowd think together, while each person is moving in an egoistic way. At this point the crowd is one single entity. If the crowd is moving too slow and there are frictions between people, then the entity is “ill”. Is like cells in the human body; if there are ill cells, the illness will spread to the nearby cells. At this point, if there is a healthy cell among the others, and if it knows how to spread the health in the group, then this cell is the antidote.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

(IX) Empty pockets

It passed weeks until the fever released me. I’ve found myself abandoned in a dark corner of this cave and totally alone without any knowledge of what happen to me. I’ve lost weight, I’m very hungry, and lots of items of my equipment are missing. My backpack is missing also and what’s left from it, is dropped around. After a short search in my pockets and on my clothes I’ve sadly discovered that I only have left a wire tide to my belt and herbs enough to make tea for a week. I’m in a very bad situation and I don’t know what happen and why. I took the rest of backpack and made a sort of pack. I wonder what happen to Oldie… Oh, my old friend… I feel that I’ve abandoned it. I just don’t understand anything. I remember when I tried to reach it outside, that day when was snowing like it was the last snow. I remember that I was heading out of the cave, but after that I’m totally blackout. As I walk now in darkness, I can only see some shadows moving on the walls of the cave. Are shadows of people, dancing because of the fire that lights them. My legs dance too, but because of my weakness that drowns me. The boots are heavier than ever, but I think that I should be happy that I still have it. I can hear some voices, but I can’t understand what those people saying because of the echo of the cave. I can distinguish a voice although. I think it’s Gaudo’s voice. He’s a good person, so I don’t understand how he could leave me almost to death. We have something in common - the survivor attitude. Perhaps he had to choose not to help me or he wasn’t here till now. The people talking are standing up arguing about a schedule or something. I remember that before I’ve fainted we were organized in teams for work. I guess I was transported in the deep of the cave since I was so sick. Now I can clearly distinguish Gaudo’s voice and he can see me; actually is looking to me. He looks surprised.

“Hi, Gaudo…” I’ve said. All the people gathered there saluted me with a few words that not even they couldn’t hear. “Is here a place for me too?” I’ve continued. “I’m frozen and I feel very weak”
“I thought you are dead” he started to explain himself. “Last time when I saw you standing up it was when you were looking for your dog, outside of the cave...Please, join us and take this bread. You must be starving.”
I took the bread and I’ve let myself to fall on a rock. My hands are trembling of starving. I probably look desperate for these people, but I’m not ashamed. “That is also the last thing I remember”, I said. “What happen after? Do you know something about my dog?”
“Well, the people were struggling to get deeper in the cave and when I saw you, you were running against the crowd. I have seen you falling in the snow and I came to help you. I’ve dragged you inside the cave and I’ve called for help. I think you’ve swallowed some snow until I’ve managed to get you inside. Those guys from our exploration trip, you remember them, helped me to take you here. You should be happy that you are alive. People were scarred that you and other few are sick and have a dangerous disease. Indeed, there was a small hunch that you among other three people who were with us in that expedition have a dangerous flu, and people were talking about banishing you. I’ve finally convinced them to leave you alone and let us, the expedition team, to take care of you. The condition was, unfortunately, to quarantine all the team. At the beginning the people were trying to get deeper in the cave, but after they’ve seen you, they preferred to try their luck working. Normally the children, women and older people should go on this side.
Now about your dog…Maybe you could bring it here, but then, it was already too much that we took you inside, so the dog didn’t get inside. But if your dog was enough smart, it should be alive somewhere now. All the animals were unleashed and sent to freedom, if you can say that. I’ve trusted in you. I was sure that your flu is not dangerous.”
He continued to tell me what happen in the last two weeks while I begun to warm a little. I’m happy that at least the dog didn’t die when I’ve felt unconscious and it was released to find its way. So the pariahs were also sick and they recovered them selves also, but I haven’t seen them yet. I guess that I own a lot to Gaudo. He would be my friend by now on; he and Oldie, if it is still alive. My equipment is gone because of the looting. At the beginning I was searched for possible items that might be infected. Because the clothes reserves are under minimum necessary, when I was searched, other people believed that I’m dead or close to death and I don’t need all my stuff anymore and jumped over me like crows. So, I have left only with my boots, a pair of pants and a cloth.
“I’ll get my self well in a week, I hope, and I will go after Oldie” I said after listening to Gaudo’s words.
“You must be mad or your flu is still powerful” he answered shortly.
“Help me to get some equipment until then and come with me. You will be safe with me, you’ll see. I know something that would change your mind.”
“I could help you to get some clothes and put you up for walk, but I’m not that young as you are and I don’t think that I can get too far. Also is my wife who is old just like me and she can’t walk too much” says Gaudo.
In front of these arguments I can’t fight. His wife takes care of orphan children when their fathers are out for their work shift. I’ll just start to get my equipment anyway.
I must convince him to come with me and also I need to find a way to travel safety with him and his wife too. I can make use of the herbs for a noble cause. I think that the things here will go even worst in a few weeks. I must use the herbs to suggest him that I’m a good person, which actually will bring the people to safe not to end.
But I must find a moment alone just with him.


...How is to be old ? You don't know until you really are old. When you are young or teenager, you say when you see an old man that he is so old. When you get older you don't say the same thing; the man you were saying that is old, now is not that old. That's because you get older and obviously, you are closer to your own end, or should I say it a little bit clearly, closer to your own DEATH. Is that what you are afraid of ? Is normal to be afraid of death. Also is normal to change your judgment after as you get older, even if is wrong. But the difference is between cowards and just scared people. As an old person you shouldn't blame the younger generation in order to find an excuse for your fears.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

(VIII) Illusions

There are four days already since we've left in expedition in the depths of the cave and we are close to its end. We've made a map of the cave (which was my idea and I’m keeping a copy of it) and we’ve made a short list with points of interest in the cave. We’ve found a small water which is useful and a window in the ceiling, somewhere at the end of the cave, but this is useful only for air circulation. It would be more useful as a secondary cave entrance, but is too high for that. I think that Gaudo was wrong about the secrets of the cave. Other interesting things in the cave are the abandoned shelter where we’ve found that grill and the wall paintings from the end of the cave. When we came back, we've found crowds agitating all around. It looks like the winter is in its big days. People couldn't support anymore the cold and the wind and chaotically they've forced the cave. Meanwhile the spirits have calmed down, but only to listen the 'shadow' 's speech. He know how to make himself heard. He takes long breaks between sentences and look to the entire mass of people."Nobody will be left behind. Each one of us is useful in order to complete our task. We have to stick together when is hard and I tell you something: Better days will come ! Better days are sitting now, waiting this winter to end ! As for now, I have someone who came back from an expedition to the deep of the cave, to bring you the good news. Gaudo, please come here!" He was speaking loud, so everyone could hear his voice.Gaudo managed to make way through the crowd and got up on the rock where the 'shadow' was standing."I just came back from the expedition from the deep of the cave and I can say that I think that there is enough room for almost all of us. We have to organize our selves in such manner, that the shelter to be shared between children, women and old people on one hand, and teams of hunters, workers and guards on the other hand. The hunters, workers and guards must to their jobs alternatively, so all the time someone will be outside. This is the only way that we can survive this winter. We've found water and a ceiling window near the end of the cave. We have to split in two teams to be close to these two useful things."He ended his speech in a wide mass satisfaction. People were already grabbing their backpacks for the trip to the deep of the cave. Most of them thought that if they go in the doorless side of the cave, they will not participate at the community's outdoor activities. The answer came from the 'Shadow' shortly after Gaudo's speech:"Womens, children and old people will go in the deep of the cave. Also, ill people will join them. A few strong people will go too, to help setting the camps. People who want to be with their families in the doorless side of the cave will have longer shifts." While he was talking, accidentally he uncovered a part of his shoulder, which revealed an interesting tattoo; it was representing the cube found by the 'smith'. That is an interesting relation between that cube and 'shadow' 's tattoo. This trip that we have in search for life conditions in the depths of the cave, was not healthy for me. Although I have a strong health, the humidity affected my lungs and I got cold or flu finally. Half way at return I had fever and I had to be carried for a while by two man from the team. Neither now my health doesn't shines; I'm just in a passage of lucidity. I can't remember clearly what happen when we got back. At the beginning, the crowd was like I used to be waked up by Oldie sometimes. By the way, I have to check if it's alright. It must be taken inside. Is too old for this winter. I will see how I'll manage to get it inside. Most of the people will have something to comment about this, but either way I will take it inside, even if it will die starving. Lots of my memories from this trip are lost among moments of trembling and words that were passing across the cave; and some echoes too. I'm sure about the wall painting that we've found at the end of the cave, but now those paintings are just a fog in my mind.I'm quite indisposed and I feel surrounded by hungry people, who probably forgot about their reunion with the nature, as they were saying recently. With all this weakness that I have in this moment, I will manage to take my dog inside alone. Surely looks funny to me that I felt so bad with my health, and enough to depend on other people. I feel my back very warm, my hands are trembling when I'm pulling my clothes and I'm so dizzy... Where are going all these people ? There is not so much space in the other side of the cave. I guess they've entirely forgot about that chunk of paper that put them all in move. They don't look strangely at me anymore; I'm just a soft obstacle in their way. I think that I've felt three times already while struggling to make my way out of the cave. As I'm here, at less then 50 feet from the entrance of the cave, people are less, the cold from outside is already filling my veins and my mind begins to clear itself. Now I feel better, even if is a false state of mind. At least I can see my favorite memories again. I think I can see Oldie through the big snowflakes... I'm not sure... I don't know if is really it or just my memories.


When does a person meet the true loneliness !? Perhaps when he or she is enough tired of suffering. Then is a point when people gives up the fight and the only thing that remain is the loneliness. It could be said in different ways, like it wouldn't be loneliness, but resignation. In this resignation a person meets finally the truth. And what is this truth ? This truth is in fact a sum of this person's experience. Until this point there was only the projection of personal desires, and now finally meets the truth and is happy. Lonely and happy.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

(VII) Gaudo

Through the dark I could see a few silhouettes which were moving around the campfire. Among them I think is Long Beard and Shadow. As always, Long Beard is speaking most of the time. I'll join them for a cup of coffee and to warm a little by the fire. Oldie slept near the fire, where all night was a person to watch the fire. Last night a few people were talking about their turn of watching the fire. They are happily to watch the fire although they can't sleep almost at all. Now I'm drinking my coffee - which is a gift from the 'shadow', who loved my tobacco. I let them talk and I hope they will not bother me too much as I'm not in the mood of changing impressions right now. When I'm looking at Oldie, I remember the little tree that leaves at the half of my way to the village and the mornings when Oldie was waiting at the door. I also remember its favorite spots in the yard, near the rock and the other one, near the home's stairs. I don’t know if it’s happy or not about this trip that we are taking now or should I’ve stayed home and leave its last days of life to end in the place where it always lived. Unfortunally, there is no way to go back until the spring. I wonder if it worth to travel so much and risk my life just for satisfying my curiosity. Another thing that I don't like is that I depend a bit to the migrating group. They’ve occupied the cave and I have to respect their rules at least. There area few months of winter in front of us and I'll have to adapt to their new cult, belief or whatever they are calling it. I don't think that they on a wrong way with their belief, but they are wrong about the person who they are expecting to encounter. This idea, of 'a malicious man with a dog' who wants to hurt them, is based only on a wrong conclusion. As I believe, people were gathered together by these herbs. These herbs are popular among all the members of this group. They've been drinking tea made with these herbs and they've made an exchange of thoughts during the sleep, in their dreams. Is possible that they had confusion and they all felled in this belief. Also is possible that someone is manipulating them for a reason. Obviously, I'm impressed about the dream that I had. This morning's dream was confusing; it’s content was a mixture of thoughts; some thoughts belongs to pariahs, other to 'shadow' and some other to people that were passing by the campfire yesterday, during the gathering. I'm cautious about any conclusion for the moment as I'm confused. I think that they are in the same situation and either they ignore these dreams or either they think that is natural. They are planning to form a small team which should search for other cave windows deeper in the cave. I'll join this team too, because I don't feel safe here with the 'shadow'. I will not let him know too much about me before I'll know more about him. This trip in the cave will begin today, but I'll have to let Oldie out of the cave, with the 'nomads' dog. I like how it sounds 'nomads'. It fits very well to the migration group after I've found out more about their beliefs and form of organization. Although they are in a run, because they leaved their homes frighten by that 'man with a dog', they are well organized so they could be called nomads too.” We leave at the sunrise", told me an old man who was brought by the 'shadow'. "Gather your stuff and be sure that you have water for two days in your backpack”. I’ve filled the can from the river and I've left Oldie in the yard with that dog that was here. It wasn't a problem to Oldie to show which one is the one in charge of the yard. I've left it there with some bad feeling. Not because is kind of abandoned; it’s used to stay all day long alone, but now it stays among the strangers; and that for two days probably. We’ve gathered at the campfire and started the journey.” My name is Gaudo", says the old man who was entitled to lead us through the dark of the cave.” Each of us will keep a torch, but only the one who is in the front of the group will have it lighted. The first turn will be mine, to show you what you will have to do when you will be leading. We will make stops often; the air around will be suffocating, so we have to rest often". I'm the last in the group and that means that when Gaudo will end his turn of leading, will come beside me. So far the cave is not impressing, but I'm satisfied that the path is clean and I don't have to jump all the time over the rocks around. After 300 steps from the campfire the cave began to shrink in height. None of us is talking; we all look as we are thinking at himself and his situation. After a while we had to rest and make an exchange of impressions. Nobody found anything interesting to the cave so far except some abandoned stuff which looks that belonged to an older generation than ours; a bad made of wood, a putrid rope, some cans and an interesting grill. The inhabitants of the cave abandoned all this stuff because probably it didn't worth at that time either. But the grill could be good to dry food, tobacco or what else it might be. Gaudo left the grill on a rock and told me to carry it. After the short break, Gaudo raised the last from a rock and followed me.” You know, young man, this cave is a waste of time", he whispered from behind.” We probably will not find any other window on the ceiling, except maybe, another entrance to the cave. The cave is shrinking and is not useful for the group.", he concluded. "I've offered myself to lead this trip because I'm probably the best guide for the wild. I came from a family with tradition in guiding through nature". He is taking short breaks between sentences and his breath echoes can be till the leading man.” Guiding is the only thing that we have left... I mean me and my family. I'm satisfied that we've joined this people in this journey to the north. We have to stick together if we want to win. I wouldn't could to defend my family and here it has protection. You know, besides the belief of our group, there is this form of organization. Step by step the group is raising its own religion and we are already organized in a military manner. I mean, we are organized just like the army, but we don't have rules yet except for surviving part. We have sentinels, guards, hunters, people sent to explore - like we are now for example.” ended Gaudo. His last words are boiling in my blood. I mean, all the time I’ve said that I am in control of independent, and now I found that I’m already part of the migrating group. Not as beliefs, but I’m already involved in the same actions with them.
After other few stops we’ve decided to stop. We don’t know if is night, but we can imagine because we are all tired.



Who cares about aging? Getting old is natural, but each of us gets old in different ways. I'm thinking that if I will lose my memories when I will be old, actually I'm losing everything. So all I need now is to draw on the paper my feelings. I will reconstruct my memories with these drawings.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

(VI) Campfire in the cave

We are approaching to the entrance of the cave now. I can see more people working as we approach. Although the last night was the coldest of this winter, people are out with their tools working among the trees. A thin layer of hoarfrost covers the leaves. Trees are naked by now. While walking, I’m thinking that my boots are so heavy, that feels like are made of tree crusty. We are walking silently, looking straight ahead. By time to time I can see sights rising from the soil to us. Is obvious that they’ve noticed me and my dog and they already linked the image of me and Oldie with that chunk of paper that leaded them here. People who joined the migrating group later don’t know about the pariah and they have been ignoring us so far. I keep my hands inside of my coat’s pockets. This way I lose my self in the landscape. “I’m not important, look somewhere else” – is my attitude right now. Probably when I’ll enter the cave I’ll encounter the first contact with them.
The result of my test from last night… I consider it a success; this morning I offered to the pariah a cup of juice of cone pine and they refused it without thinking. That was an innocent way to find out about the effects of the herbs. We are at just two hundred steps from the cave and I can see from here a small yard divided in two: the first one holds a dog; second one holds two horses. I know that around here is quite wild and the animals wander without direction. Also, there is a kind of a small stockroom with just a wooden wall that holds a few animals that have been hunted or trapped like I was yesterday.
I still have headaches. Unluckily, I was unconscious after I’ve been trapped and I couldn’t take care of the wound. If I could take a metal object over the place where I was hit, probably I wouldn’t have this bump on my right side of the head. I care in my pockets a few metal objects like this simple and small steel plate. I use it to heat food if necessary, as a mirror by time to time and sometimes I just crash things on it. I try to keep a side in well condition; otherwise I couldn’t use it as a mirror. I like it because it can’t be broken if I’m involved in some physical action and I can’t be injured by it.
Thinking at that dog that is held in the yard… Is interesting that they are talking about their revelation of ‘a man with a dog’ as an element that they should run, but this dog suggest something different – the man that they avoid might be among them. Or maybe not; the dog could be of any of them. I can’t blame a dog for everything. While approaching the cave, I feel that I felt a little in their belief. Until now, I was the one who said that they are away from reality and now I’m beginning to think us them; just like they are looking at me and Oldie.
Here I am, entering the cave. I think that from inside they can see our silhouettes only. Oldie and the dog from the yard have involved in a barking fight. Actually Oldie is ignoring the other dog, but it looks annoyed of that barking and barks by time to time too as it was saying “calm down, little boy”. The pariah group walks right behind me. They know that they are not welcomed here and leave me to have the first word. I’m walking slower now. I leave that dog to attract attention to us, so someone, who should be representative to the migrating group, would come to us. I know that somewhere around here is their leader. He is waiting for us. As they are organized, I think that they already have communicated our arrival.
“Come and join me”, says a man that appeared from the shadows. He said that, while heading deeper in the cave. At about one hundred steps from the entrance is a campfire. Above it, the ceiling is quite high and has a natural window, so the smoke is harmless to the inhabitants. A few people are standing around the campfire without doing anything. Ashes from the fire floats all over the place as it wouldn’t be gravitation. The man that invited me to follow him walks in the front of me. Is thin, has long black hair and moves just like a shadow. I and the group of pariah are making noises that reflect within the cave, but he doesn’t make any sound.
We’ve gathered around the fire and made a short exchange of sights.
“Take a cup of tea with us stranger”, says the “shadow”, name that fits perfect to his aspect. It’s fast. They didn’t leave me to think too much before giving me the tea. I don’t know if they have acknowledged about its properties, but I have to be careful. On other hand, is the pariah group; they’ve been drinking this tea last night and they might say about that.
“In exchange I can offer you some cigarettes. For those who are smoking”, I’ve said and I took the tobacco from Oldie’s “pocket”. Oldie is sitting quiet on my right. I’ve handed tobacco to “Long hair”, from the pariah group and he spread out to the rest of the people around the fire. We’ve made our cigarettes silently and start discussing.
“I’m a trader”, I’ve said,”I’ve been caught by the winter from behind a few days ago. Deeper in the mountains, the winter is ruling by now. I’ve left in a small shelter that I’ve managed to build, all my goods. The shelter is at about two days from here.” After a break, long enough to take a smoke from my cigarette, I’ve continued.” I had to choose between my goods and my safe. I knew about this cave. Actually I’ve been born and raised not too far from here. This is my first return in years. I’m glad that I’ve found you here.” I was lying very well. The “shadow” doesn’t seem impressed although.
I have to clear my mind because I have to start drink the tea. What I want them to believe? No idea, I will think just like a trader: where are my goods, what goods they have to trade and stuff like these. Now is their turn to speak.
“What about you. You moved here, or you are just passing by?” I’ve asked.
The “shadow” exhaled and pointed his hand to Oldie:” Your dog is too old for adventures like yours. “.
This attitude makes me feel uncomfortable. He leads the discussion in the way that makes me feel that I will talk when he wants and about what he wants. The pariahs have seen the scene and they’ve acted like they’ve already heard my story.
“I thought we had an agreement”, says the “shadow”, looking at my fellows. After a few seconds that were left silent intentionally before his next sentence, he continued:” What have you said about us so far?”
The three pariahs looked one to another and finally the long beard one says:” We’ve met not far from here. He was coming from the east and joined us yesterday…”
“They’ve told me that they are heading to the cave and as I was so hungry, I’ve joined their campfire”. I’ve interrupted “Long beard” in time. Pariahs don’t know about the effects of the tea and they might say or think something that I don’t want.
“We expect someone here”, says the shadow,” we don’t know too much for the moment about this person, but we will find out very soon more.”
He started to tell me things about how they are preparing for the winter. By time to time to time I was loosing his storytelling for studying the people that are passing by. They are living in a silent environment; they communicate just for helping their domestic work. Still, they throw a sight over me by time to time, and I think that that is normal.
“Most of us are sure that this trip have united us and made us conscious about our selves. We’ve left lots of unfinished businesses at home, but it worth so far. As we’ve got numerous, we’ve became more related with the environment. Sometimes I believe that the nature itself is part of our consciousness. While we’ve strengthen the relationship between us, we’ve needed to organize our community in order to survive, and that strengthen the relationship with the nature.” concluded the shadow.
“How do you manage with the food? I mean, the winter is at the door and there are lots of people to feed.” I’ve asked. For the first time I’ve seen a half of smile on “shadow’s” face.
“Some of us know to hunt, some of us worked within special military units from southern and they are trained for situations like our. So you see, we are prepared for long expeditions; surviving is not an issue; we are ready even for expansion, but this is out of discussion”. After throwing a few woods in the fire, he continued:
“As for the food…Inside the cave we can raise mushrooms. It grows very fast. Around here you can find enough animals to hunt, there is the river too and other resources, like pine cone juice, wild fruits that felt on the rocks and are dried by now…” He stopped as we’ve all noticed Long Beard being agitated.
“The pine cone juice… Is it healthy?” asked Long Beard.
“For those who believe that is healthy only.” I’ve said. I think I’ve impressed the ‘shadow’. He starred at me silently for a couple of minutes. I thought I’ve said something wrong.
“You can spend the night in the cave” told me the ‘shadow’ “and you three also”. The pariahs were satisfied about this permission.
The ‘shadow’ and his friends left us, me and the pariah, to eat. As the night has come, I could see the stars through the ceiling of the cave. Tomorrow I will find my answers for the expedition. I have a lot of things in my mind now. What do they know about the herbs? The ‘shadow’ is their leader, that is obvious, but he is not leading alone. What the pariahs didn’t tell me? What do they expect tomorrow from me? Am I the one who are they waiting for? I have a lot of questions. I better go to sleep and wake up early with a clearly mind.



Years later after a war, people wonders what was the spark that fired up that war. We can't expect to change something with the answer to this question, but I guess it doesn't matter if the wars are started or not, as long as each person needs a war to solve a problem. The sad part is that some people are not ready for the war, or even worse, they've already had their war. The worst scenario is the scenario when a native leader leads other people after his life experience, needs and purposes; the other people have to adapt their plans to their leader. There is no reason to change something. At the beginning of the ages, the man was hunting, that is still in our blood, is like air to us. So why we would need an eternal peace ?!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

(V) Silhouettes

Things don’t go always as you plan and while I was satisfied that I’m not late with my expedition, something unexpected changed my situation. When I waked up after the first night with my new mates – the “pariah”, the one with the long hair was playing at a some sort of a guitar (which seemed to be modified to fit his bag). I guess that people who travel a lot don’t have too many ways to have fun. Standing there, near the river, at the sunrise, was obviously that these three persons are innocent.

We’ve gathered our bags and leaved. In the first hours we’ve moved slowly; we’ve been gathering some mushrooms, I’ve made some juice from pine cones again (that was a surprise for my fellows) and ‘Oldie’ tracked the migrating groups trail. This part of the trip was nice; the mountains and the cool air were improving my mental state. I think that it was also the relief that the group of three is harmless.

As we were getting closer to the migrating group, we’ve planned that I have to present my self as a trader. The goods are missing, but I know that I can invent a story to explain my lack of goods. I would present my self as a doctor, but I have no knowledge about medicine (except surviving skills) and I could easily fell for a simple scratch. Anyway, the equipment that I carry it shows enough what I’m not. We were at less than two hours of walk to the cave. The road in front of us is turning left after a hill and then goes right again and in the distance I can see some campfires, crowd and people moving, working and lots of action.

As I stand now I can’t see all of that anymore. While gathering food from the bushes, I’ve felt in a trap. The migrating people have arrived here with enough time before us to set traps for animals, and one of these traps had pointed me with the legs against the sky and the head against the soil. A rope tied in a tall tree caught my legs and launched me into the sky, but not before hitting my head in the dirt. I’ve been unconscious for one hour after my calculations. When I waked up I was dizzy and standing with the head directed to the soil. The rope was crunching by time to time as it was moved by me and the wind. From here I can see “Oldie” standing below me and watching how I was swinging and floating above it. From a not so big distance a few silhouettes struggles to put a tree down. I can’t see too much in that direction as the mist dominates the atmosphere now, but they are for sure members of the migration group. The sunset doesn’t fight anymore with the mist. Two of my fellows are preparing again to camp, while the one with beard tries to climb the tree to get me down. It was obvious that this day is ruined and we have to wait till tomorrow morning to leave.

I can see clearly the silhouettes while hitting with their axes in the tree. The wood spreads the echoes of their beats and as I am hanged with my head down, I can feel the air vibrating around me. I’m bleeding quite badly. The head wounds usually bleed more and since I’m standing like this, all the blood is directed to the head. I can see blood drops that falls around my old dog.

Sooner or later I will get down from here. Either “Long Beard” will cut the rope, either I will have enough strength to cut it, or hopefully not, the hunter will get its prey. For the moment, until I regain my strength, I must make a plan to test those herbs. Is the last night before the big meeting and I must to understand the effects of the herbs over the mind. So, here it is how it should happen: first, we will drink the tea together; during this time I need to make my questions heard; also, I have to think at something that they should think that is one of my hidden thoughts. After going to sleep, in my dream I should be in their persons, answering the questions. In their dreams they will be me and here my thoughts. Tomorrow morning I will have the results.

The plan is good, but what exactly do I need to test? If I can manipulate their thoughts? Or if I can find secrets that interests me? Probably both. First I will try to manipulate them. While drinking tea, I will think that the pine cone juice is poisoning. And what secret they might have? I think that they know more about the migration’s group leader. I remember that once, while talking about how is the migrating group organized, they’ve been evasive.

The migrating group has established their base for the winter. Probably a part of them will stay inside the cave, and else will have tents built out of the trees that are lumbered in the vicinity. It’s a good position. The cave is safe as a shelter, the river is quite close, so they can fish, the wood surrounds this place and they have fire to warm. I wonder if their leader really believes what is prophesying or is just a way to take advantage of these people.
The mist is gone by now. I can’t sleep right now, even if is past after midnight. I’ve been unconscious one hour when I’ve felt in the trap and other two or three hours after I’ve lost a large quantity of blood standing hanged with my head down. I couldn’t even try to release my self from that trap. “Long Beard” have untied the rope and he felt badly too. I appreciate his almost four hours of effort. I’ve recovered myself fast with a big quantity of fresh water from the river and a few birds toasted by my fellows. I’ve reached my purpose for this night; I and the three “pariah” shared the tea and I gave them a cigarette too. I’ve left one to smoke alone while walking with “Oldie”. Now I can only go to sleep and start dreaming. I will see tomorrow what I can do with the herbs in the future.



I don't know if the man dominates the nature or is dominated by it. Sometimes a person when is in a dramatic situation senses that the nature has the same tense as its feeling, or the atmosphere around has the same pattern. This would look like a moment of panic, but in reality I think that the nature contributes somehow to this tension. Is true that the man is inducting to itself this feeling by imagining that a tree has a scary form, which in a different situation would look banal, but the natures offers the stimulents, the tools and sometimes the reason for this feelings. At this moment the person is at the border between normal and panic and at any single wind pale it might fell on one of these sides...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

(IV) Pariah

I desperately need to rest. I am close to the migrating group. In two days I will catch them. My problem is that there is a small group which stands between us. They travel at about half of hour of walking in the front of me and they move slowly and with lots of stops. They slow me down and I’m still expecting changes on the road or on their behavior to see which should be my best move. I can’t make a detour. At the right is the river; at the left is this large cliff which will just kill my feet.
First time when I’ve seen them was last night before the dark. Actually the dog was acting strange and I become alerted. I’ve made a stop and I double checked the footsteps, the surrounding trees, and the riverside and finally after I’ve passed the corner of a hill I’ve seen a campfire. I got close and I watched the people around it carefully. There were three people in this small group. One was taking care of the fire, one was cutting something, probably some food, and the last man was standing on a trunk while speaking to his mates. The man speaking was trying to explain something thinking after his gestures. His long beard was shaking while he was talking. The man who was throwing woods on the fire has a blonde long hair and seems to be the tallest among them. I was careful with them because I believed that they are either members of the migrating group, either the hunters of that group. My first think was to check if there aren’t other people from their group in their vicinity. After that I’ve checked if they have athletics body. They have. That means that I have to be careful further on. After about two hours of watching, one of them leaved at about 150 steps from the others and collected something from the bushes, an animal probably. The ease that the animal was collected makes me believe that they had a trap and there could be more traps. So I couldn’t get too close to analyze more. Last night I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t make a fire; I was risking to be seen. Without fire, the cold got into my every bone till this morning.

Today I walked behind them, still analyzing and looking for a detour. I have to decide if I will get in touch with them. I didn’t eat too much in the last two days; I haven’t sleep and the night that approaches looks to be even colder. Here is also a higher altitude. But I have to get in contact with them before the dark; otherwise they may consider me hostile. In the last two days my only food was from the pine cones. I’ve managed to gather juice enough to fill the can made by the “smith”. My buddy, “Oldie” didn’t have to say anything about the food, but it surely understood the situation. For six days of walking most our resources of energy was this juice of pine cone, a few fishes and some bread left from home. I will hurry a bit and I will get in contact with them. Maybe they know more about the migrating group. If they are trails of the migrating group, it should be useful to travel with them. I’ve been rushed enough till now; the migrating group is not far, so I can take it easy. I am getting close to them. They’ve camped and now they are collecting branches for the campfire. My old dog is walking a few steps in front of me and it doesn’t seem to be angry at all. They’ve seen me. They didn’t hold their activity; the one with long hair is starting the fire again and the long beard one is laughing at the others. The last one seems to have appetite for talking. This is a good sign; a person who speaks a lot tells lots of things that shouldn’t be said. “You need help to start the fire?” I’ve asked the long hair one. “If you have some thatch, you can help. Are you interested in joining us at the campfire?”


After a few hours of chatting I got some answers finally. The small group of three is not walking together with the migrating group. They’ve encountered the migrating group a few weeks ago. Lots of people from their village joined the people that were passing near their homes. The migrating group had camped a night near their homes, but it was enough to convince some people to leave their home and run as soon they’ve managed with the others.While traveling, the group got numerous little by little and now is about two thousand souls who walk through the mountains. I think that is a mistake; is not safe to go in a campaign when the winter is so close. If they are heading for the cave, they should be aware that is not enough room for all of them. Maybe there is enough space in the cave for all, but they can start the fire only where is an entrance; otherwise the smoke from campfires would suffocate a part of them. I’m sitting here, looking at the moon and trying to get some sleep. After talking with these three guys I think I can say that they are not a danger at all. They drink more then average people, but they don’t get drunk. Here, at a few steps by the river, in the middle of the mountains is colder then other places and the alcohol doesn’t effects your reality sense. In fact it warms you and moves your blood. They’ve tried to join the migrating group, but they were refused several times because they had some disputes about the actions of the group. They, the “pariah”, as they have been called, said that the people should stick together, but without going anywhere. The leader of the migrating group says that they need to go as far as they can, preferably to get to the cave.

The “pariah” explained to me the reason of this migration. It started when a few people found an old chunk of paper that represented a man, a dog, a map, a cave and some text. The text says that a person wants to lead them to death. After this discovery the people didn’t talked with anyone about this, but they organized them selves into a small expedition group with the purpose of checking if it really exist such a cave. While on the road to the north, they’ve encountered other people who knew about that chunk of paper and without any negotiation the group was getting numerous each day.

Let’s see how the situation right now is. There is the migrating group, of about 2000 people, which is in a state of some mysticism, mass madness or whatever that is. On other hand is this small ‘pariah’ group which would join the migrating group, but they are not in the same state of mind as the other group. And finally there is me, who am investigating all this. I’m feeling peculiar about that chunk of paper that moved all these people. It looks like it represents me and I don’t feel like being of any importance as long I’m a, let’s say, ‘neutral’ acting person. I’ve noted so far on my own chunk of paper some important points in my expedition so far.Me and the group of three, decided to travel together. I’ve kept the herbs out of them so far. I didn’t want to intimidate them so far, but I have to test it on them. Now I’ll watch the fire till I’ll fall asleep.



When things looks so familiar and we get bored of doing same things over and over again, it happens something that we don’t expect. Same thing is repeating endless, but in different ways and we are just struggling to repeat that thing. Its just a paradox that we don’t realize; its like we are becoming a machine and we lose our selves on behalf of repeating things. Repeating things it becomes our main purpose.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

(III) Rush...

I had a rush departure. The only thing that I’m worried is my equipment. I was hoping to take some mushrooms with me, but the soil was not ready yet. I took those herbs for tea which should be dried by now. Maybe I’ll find some mushrooms on the travel. This becomes a part of the plan now. Initially I’ve intended to have some food for the start while searching food for the next days. I already have two days of walking to the north, following those footsteps. This is not a good thing, to walk on the same road with the migration because obviously they needed food too. By now I have to adventure a little to the left of the road. There are some bushes that make me believe that I might find some plants or animals. Further on the right side is the river which has plenty fishes. Until I get there I will find something to catch the fishes and some worms. That’s why I keep this wire attached to my belt. Now I can use it to catch the fishes. Also I have a few different chunks of plastic bags. Last night I had a short sleep. Maybe three or four hours and in the rest I walked continuously. I have to walk fast this part of the road to the cave. There are signs that announce the winter and the snow. I can’t survive in the snow more than 4-5 days and the cave is at about 12 days of walk from my home. My home is situated in the plain, but is not far from the mountains.
Maybe I could survive more in the winter, but my old friend, the old dog, cannot. It looks happy. There are 3 days already since it’s with me each moment. I think that it got bored of staying so long time alone. Its fur is quite thick, that should protect it against the wind or snow. That doesn’t helping against starving. It’s not that young anymore to hunt rabbits or foxes or whatever it likes.
The reason of this rush is also my curiosity which moves the blood in my veins. The “smith” visited me that day and because I didn’t have something else to give to him in exchange for making me a can, I gave him a part of those herbs. Obviously, is not that stupid to accept this, but I’ve told him that the herbs have some magical effects and being in the influence of that cube that he found, he fell for this. But we had to test the tea to see the effects and I made once more the tea with the herbs not being dried yet. I thought that the dream in which I dreamed that I am the dog was just coincidental with the tea. But the next night I’ve been dreaming something weird again. In my dream I was standing on a tree trunk and I was the “smith” now. At a point I received a cigarette and the real me got inside the house to bring tobacco for a new cigarette. Meanwhile, me “the smith” I’ve got the cube from a pocket and roll it in my hands. I could see that on two faces is the image of a dog which looks like Oldie. On other two faces was a man who looked old. The last two faces of the cube had the thunder sign twice on each face. After a few seconds the real me has returned. We smoked together and talked for a while, but I can’t remember the subject.
When I woke up I felt dizzy and for a few hours I tried to clear my mind while playing with my dog. In the evening I’ve decided that there is no more time to prepare the expedition and next at noon I was on my path going to the “smith’s home to take the can.
That was the second weird dream that I had and now I have no doubt that is related with the herbs. The “smith” gave me the can and didn’t comment the day before at all. I’m wondering what did he dreamed, but that is something that I will not find out. I will test the herbs even more. I don’t know why this happens, but I think that the vapors are circulating and the effect stays until the person affected sleeps. This must be explanation and it gives me joy because it is a source of power on one hand, and something mysterious on the other hand. I’ll have to test it with someone close to me, trustful.
Last night I walked a few hours after dark, and this night I have to do the same. I’m thinking that if I walk more in the night I’m less time in danger. I don’t know the land here and I don’t know what animals, snakes or birds may lurk around. I prefer to walk in the night because is cold too and is not advised to sleep in cold. I could make a small fire, but that means that I have to gather wood and this can take some time. Also I could gather wood while walking, but this means waste of energy and I must focus on the food for the moment.
One thing that bothers me is how it will be the first contact with the migrating group. The footsteps never got away from the road, they walked compact. They didn’t left trails like garbage, camping stop or anything that would make you thing that something unexpected happen to them. That means that they are organized and for sure have a leader or group of leaders. If they were from something, probably they wouldn’t run so discreetly. That excludes the possibility to be nomads. Anyway, when I’ll reach them I’ll watch them closely before getting in contact.

While walking through this wildness I remembered my last way on my favorite path. Then, I was wondering how it feels my dog to be left at home all the time, and now is right beside me walking forward, and being so serious makes it look like it knows where is going and what is its purpose for this expedition. To make it feel that is important I’ve tied my tobacco pack at the neck. It’s not used to be tied or wear something, but because is old it doesn’t fight with things like this. It just knows that any gesture from me has a good explanation.A few hours ago when I’ve made a short break I’ve packed a couple of cigarettes. During the night, when I’ll feel that everything is darken and boring, I’ll take a cigarette, just to strengthen my will for walking. Then, Oldie will have its moment of rest. For sure it will rest its big head on its front legs watching the light from my cigarette. I think that it feels protected with that pack of tobacco tied at its neck. So I feel with my belt which has lots of things attached. It knows that after I take something from that pack that it wears, will follow a moment of rest, and the pack smells just like the air when we stop. I can’t wait to reach the cave; the cave with or without those people. I need to rest. These boots are sometimes very heavy, other times I just forget about it. Important thing is that I don’t have problems with the cold to my feet. At the beginning of the trip I could count each step that I make, now I just see my legs racing one against the other.



Sometimes I’m thinking how is to wake up and see that all the people you knew have vanished. When time is passing very fast you can’t keep the track of all events around you and when you have time to rest and remember you just think that you have waked and the loved ones and others too have just vanished. Then is a moment when you realize how short the life is and how small the purposes are that enchants you at one moment…

Sunday, January 20, 2008

(II) Expedition plans

I should listen to that old woman that gave me the herbs yesterday. She said that I can’t find these herbs dried, so I have to keep it in a warm place for at least a week before making it tea. As I was frozen and enough tired, last night I’ve ignored her advice. When I reached home the old dog was standing at its usual place, behind a rock near the house. I remember it how it was a few winters ago: when I was approaching home it was just wild, jumping in the snow and running all over the place. I never knew why it’s so happy when it sees me, because I was at home just for sleep. But that always warmed my heart. Now it’s at its end. It walks slowly and heavy. So it was a bad idea to make a tea with those herbs. Was bad because weren’t dried and the effect wasn’t the expected one. Actually I’ve slept quite well, I feel rested and fresh, except that weird dream that worries me now. In my dream I was standing on the floor, where seats the dog usually. It was the evening when I was packing the cigarettes and I was looking at me as through the eyes of the dog. In fact I was feeling just like I was the dog. I felt as natural with a dog body as I am with my own body when I’m awake. I could see the scene of packing the cigarettes as clear as I could remember each movement of the candle’s flare from the table. When I woke up I felt as warm as I had dog fur. In some of my dreams, the things that happens looks like it happen before and I’m just remembering it. But last night it wasn’t like that. This time it really happens. I have one more cigarette left from that night when I was packing cigarettes. Yesterday I wasn’t in the mood for smoking while I was away from home. Is better this way, now I’m so relaxed after a one good sleep in weeks and it fits well with a cigarette. Last night I gave to the dog that bread and instead of water I gave it a cup of tea too. Either I was tired enough to have a deep sleep and I didn’t hear it barking, either it didn’t bark at all. Now because it heard footsteps is just playing around the house. It’s just hungry. The “smith” says that he’s interest in gaining experience in making different objects of metal. He thinks that he can sell it as art objects. That was the result of his expedition after the migration group. He didn’t catch them, but he found a cube made of metal lost by that people, which he thinks that is a religious artifact or an art object. He doesn’t show this cube to anyone being afraid that someone would want to steal it. He was afraid to take it and after he found it, he followed even more that footprints hoping to restore the cube. That shepherd that was passing around here says that are footprints of at least 1000 people, children and adults. They were traveling by foot, since there weren’t trails of any kind of vehicle or animal. It seems that they were hurry because they passed in one night only and they didn’t had a stop for rest or sleep as far the ‘smith’ was. As about my interest in the migration I think that is more smiths’ interest. He likes my dog and wants to use it as a muse for his first art object or whatever is doing. He said that on the cube is represented a dog just like it. Anyway I’m planning an expedition too and I have to complete my equipment before leaving. I’m not an adventurous person, but I dreamed since I was a child to see what is further to north. Rumors about north say that there is a cave where people who pass long distances can camp there. The “smith” didn’t go that far because he was prepared just for a 2-3 days expedition. Personally I think that he is also a little bit cowards to go alone. By the way I should ask him to make me a can for tea for the expedition, since he thinks that he can make objects of metal. Until I will be prepared to leave, the herbs should be dried and hopefully I will not have dreams like last night. The winter is close and maybe I should wait till the spring, but I will lose the track of those people. I want to know why they went hurried, where are they heading and other things. I think I will manage through the night in wild places. Except the usual animals I will probably encounter nature’s force. I’m a survivor although. I will have my dog as a companion. It will be its last trip perhaps, but it will be happy. I didn’t spend too much time when it was young and now it’s a little sad that it didn’t have the occasion then to show me how strong it is or to defend me against who knows what full moon. It will be useful now too. Its sense of smell or hearing will guide us in the wilderness. Today I’ll stay around the house. I have some jobs left to do before the winter. This summer I’ve made a small shelter where I’ll keep some food for the winter. I have a small plantation of mushrooms, but it has to be warm, so that’s my job today. A mushroom grows fast and regenerates very fast. I’m satisfied about this side of me – the surviving capacity. I never panic, even in dangerous situations. I know that if I can stay with a clear vision while others are losing their selves, I’ll surely have an advantage. Probably that’s why people respect me. Sitting in the front of house now, the dog rests after its breakfast. I’m stepping outside with the cigarette in my hand. After the last night’s rain the atmosphere is very static making me to feel in the center of attention. While smoking, I have a clear vision as a mountain stream and this probably is the effect of the tea. This picture, of the dog together with the wet rock from the yard looks different now when I’m not leaving from home. I can see what is doing my old friend all day long. The “smith” said yesterday that he will pay me a visit today if will be in vicinity. He’s searching materials for his so called art. I want to convince him to tell me more about that cube. I think that I could probably get answers from him in no time if I would use the force, but I prefer to be in peace with people around here.



Too bad that people can't have control over their mind while dreaming. I think that people would have tremendous benefits after that. People are just watching a "movie" instead of using their brain to gather informations.

Friday, January 11, 2008

(I) My path

Like any other day, I chose to go on this abandoned old road. You can't really say 'road' because is just two man wide and since I'm probably the only one who passes through here it just got harder for foot walk. It’s muddy and a bit kind of 'dark'. Anyway, this area is not that populated so you can't say that the other paths around here are roads.

Most of the people usually choose the other road because is safer, nice to walk and beautiful. Also is warmer because of the surrounding trees. I choose this one because is straight and shorter. Maybe I like this bad path because I like to be alone and hear my own thoughts. Just like now. The fact that I'm walking on this path means that I'm not hurry, because being a muddy path slows me down. When a man hurries all the time might become nervous I think.

These boots that I'm wearing right now are so heavy that makes me feel that I'm somehow strongly related with this path. The mud sticks to the boots and I slip a little. I have to stop to clean it a little bit. Although, I will walk until the only tree that grows around and I will seat under its crown. I know that it doesn't have too many leaves now because of the winter that closes each day and anyway it doesn't help too much - is not raining, is not hot and doesn't hides me from some angry eyes. I like this little tree - is so lonely in the field and looks like it grown there waiting for me. I think its hilarious that while people wear more clothes in the winter to resist to the cold, the trees are doing exactly other way - are getting naked.
Look at me. I was thinking that much to this road that I'm walking and half of it is already behind me. I'm sitting here under the tree on a root while cleaning the boots and counting the days that are left from this winter. Not because I wouldn't be comfortable with the cold. I don't give too much attention to the weather. I'm a strong person, I get cold very rarely and more than that I'm not that kind of person that the only purpose in their life is to feel comfortable. Is true, I'm wearing a quite heavy winter overcoat, but I wear this coat mostly because of its numerous and large pockets.

By the way, let's see my today's equipment. In my left pocket I have a forgotten chunk of bread - this one was given to me by an old woman yesterday on the other road. I feel remorse; I could give this bread to my old dog which starves while I'm away from home. In the same pocket I have different bread crumbs, tobacco, halves of matchsticks and paper chunks. I think all my pockets have these remains.

Walking forward now, I remembered the cold that surrounds me. While searching my pockets I found two "homemade" cigarettes, specially made for today last night. I'm not in the mood for smoking right now, my hands freezes in my pockets while handling the cigarettes. I remember the look of the dog last night while I was packing the cigarettes; it was standing with its big head resting on the front feet. I think that sometimes is thinking. I feel more close to my dog rather than other people. It's not afraid of anyone, although is old enough to be beaten by any other young dog. Those eyes that never hides their direction, turns with a straight sight and make the others to fear. It’s fearless and it behaves like a dominating entity. I wished that I could take it with me, but I can't leave the house unguarded. Lately, the wild animals in this area are quite starved and make lots of damages like spreading the garbage from the yard and wrecking my little improvisations around the home.

Back to my equipment... I have a kind of pencil, because I sharpened it as I could and looks quite weird now. I use it rarely and usually I mark some places that are a point of interest to me. Also sometimes I make some calculations related to my plans. The chunk of paper that I carry since a few months ago is real chaotic and I'm the only one who might understand it. A paper like this one can resist in my pocket about 4 months, after that is too depreciated. One thing that might look weird to other people, but they don't know about this, is the wire that I have tide to my belt. Luckily the belt is under the coat and can't be seen. I use it in many ways, but most of the time I use it to hang stuff to it. Also I have a short string that I have tide to my right wrist. This one looks like a bracelet and I use it when I can't use the wire. I have lots of "equipment" items - as I use to call it, but I'm not carrying everyday useless stuff. And I never leave from home without some items.

Lately, the fog gained terrain over the villages around here. The night comes early each day and the morning wakes up late. All the things are getting grey; the fog, my coat, the naked trees, the sky - which hasn't seen the sun since two weeks ago.

In the front of me lays the last portion of my path till I’ll reach the other road. Now I’ll have to review today’s plans. First I have to find some herbs that I heard that can ease my sleep. Some hot tea before the sleep should have a good effect on my dreams. At least I will warm a little. I will share it with my dog. I think that it deserves it after a day in the cold. By the way, maybe it will have a good sleep too. I’ve noticed that when I have an agitated sleep it’s also somehow disturbed. As it wouldn’t bad enough that I wake up tired in the middle of the night and then I find “Oldie”, as I call it sometimes, barking at who knows what. Weird are the dreams and so the sleeping. Most of these dreams are just an endless discussion.

After finding the herbs, I must pay a visit to that man who entitles himself “smith” for his discoveries related to the migration that passed a few hills from here this summer. He promised that he will tell me important things that I should know. I don’t know that I should trust him or not, but I have nothing to lose. His beard lies on his chest while is looking in the dirt – that happens when he’s talking about that migration.



I'm thinking sometimes, how is to think something that no one is thinking. How is to think at something and at a point you would find yourself screaming "Oh, my God, this is me !". So I was thinking to some locations in the world where people are so few that they hardly forms a village and the most important thing that ever happen on a road like this from the beginning of the story was the thoughts of a person which was passing once there. These thoughts that not even the thinker would think at their importance for that place that probably no one would ever care and are instantly forgotten and dropped on that way...