Me as anyone else, I'm getting older and I've left behind little by little something that I've always liked: the videogames. In my heart I'm still playing something, but I'm not patient anymore to play games on my pc. So I've decided to write a little novel that has roots in the role playing games. Also I like ambiental music and I'm trying to combine the story with the music and I'm uploading by time to time a clip that inspires the story. But this is not all. I'm trying to make the story interactive, just like a game, and I found a simple way to have it working. You can find the rules on the right.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

(VII) Gaudo

Through the dark I could see a few silhouettes which were moving around the campfire. Among them I think is Long Beard and Shadow. As always, Long Beard is speaking most of the time. I'll join them for a cup of coffee and to warm a little by the fire. Oldie slept near the fire, where all night was a person to watch the fire. Last night a few people were talking about their turn of watching the fire. They are happily to watch the fire although they can't sleep almost at all. Now I'm drinking my coffee - which is a gift from the 'shadow', who loved my tobacco. I let them talk and I hope they will not bother me too much as I'm not in the mood of changing impressions right now. When I'm looking at Oldie, I remember the little tree that leaves at the half of my way to the village and the mornings when Oldie was waiting at the door. I also remember its favorite spots in the yard, near the rock and the other one, near the home's stairs. I don’t know if it’s happy or not about this trip that we are taking now or should I’ve stayed home and leave its last days of life to end in the place where it always lived. Unfortunally, there is no way to go back until the spring. I wonder if it worth to travel so much and risk my life just for satisfying my curiosity. Another thing that I don't like is that I depend a bit to the migrating group. They’ve occupied the cave and I have to respect their rules at least. There area few months of winter in front of us and I'll have to adapt to their new cult, belief or whatever they are calling it. I don't think that they on a wrong way with their belief, but they are wrong about the person who they are expecting to encounter. This idea, of 'a malicious man with a dog' who wants to hurt them, is based only on a wrong conclusion. As I believe, people were gathered together by these herbs. These herbs are popular among all the members of this group. They've been drinking tea made with these herbs and they've made an exchange of thoughts during the sleep, in their dreams. Is possible that they had confusion and they all felled in this belief. Also is possible that someone is manipulating them for a reason. Obviously, I'm impressed about the dream that I had. This morning's dream was confusing; it’s content was a mixture of thoughts; some thoughts belongs to pariahs, other to 'shadow' and some other to people that were passing by the campfire yesterday, during the gathering. I'm cautious about any conclusion for the moment as I'm confused. I think that they are in the same situation and either they ignore these dreams or either they think that is natural. They are planning to form a small team which should search for other cave windows deeper in the cave. I'll join this team too, because I don't feel safe here with the 'shadow'. I will not let him know too much about me before I'll know more about him. This trip in the cave will begin today, but I'll have to let Oldie out of the cave, with the 'nomads' dog. I like how it sounds 'nomads'. It fits very well to the migration group after I've found out more about their beliefs and form of organization. Although they are in a run, because they leaved their homes frighten by that 'man with a dog', they are well organized so they could be called nomads too.” We leave at the sunrise", told me an old man who was brought by the 'shadow'. "Gather your stuff and be sure that you have water for two days in your backpack”. I’ve filled the can from the river and I've left Oldie in the yard with that dog that was here. It wasn't a problem to Oldie to show which one is the one in charge of the yard. I've left it there with some bad feeling. Not because is kind of abandoned; it’s used to stay all day long alone, but now it stays among the strangers; and that for two days probably. We’ve gathered at the campfire and started the journey.” My name is Gaudo", says the old man who was entitled to lead us through the dark of the cave.” Each of us will keep a torch, but only the one who is in the front of the group will have it lighted. The first turn will be mine, to show you what you will have to do when you will be leading. We will make stops often; the air around will be suffocating, so we have to rest often". I'm the last in the group and that means that when Gaudo will end his turn of leading, will come beside me. So far the cave is not impressing, but I'm satisfied that the path is clean and I don't have to jump all the time over the rocks around. After 300 steps from the campfire the cave began to shrink in height. None of us is talking; we all look as we are thinking at himself and his situation. After a while we had to rest and make an exchange of impressions. Nobody found anything interesting to the cave so far except some abandoned stuff which looks that belonged to an older generation than ours; a bad made of wood, a putrid rope, some cans and an interesting grill. The inhabitants of the cave abandoned all this stuff because probably it didn't worth at that time either. But the grill could be good to dry food, tobacco or what else it might be. Gaudo left the grill on a rock and told me to carry it. After the short break, Gaudo raised the last from a rock and followed me.” You know, young man, this cave is a waste of time", he whispered from behind.” We probably will not find any other window on the ceiling, except maybe, another entrance to the cave. The cave is shrinking and is not useful for the group.", he concluded. "I've offered myself to lead this trip because I'm probably the best guide for the wild. I came from a family with tradition in guiding through nature". He is taking short breaks between sentences and his breath echoes can be till the leading man.” Guiding is the only thing that we have left... I mean me and my family. I'm satisfied that we've joined this people in this journey to the north. We have to stick together if we want to win. I wouldn't could to defend my family and here it has protection. You know, besides the belief of our group, there is this form of organization. Step by step the group is raising its own religion and we are already organized in a military manner. I mean, we are organized just like the army, but we don't have rules yet except for surviving part. We have sentinels, guards, hunters, people sent to explore - like we are now for example.” ended Gaudo. His last words are boiling in my blood. I mean, all the time I’ve said that I am in control of independent, and now I found that I’m already part of the migrating group. Not as beliefs, but I’m already involved in the same actions with them.
After other few stops we’ve decided to stop. We don’t know if is night, but we can imagine because we are all tired.



Who cares about aging? Getting old is natural, but each of us gets old in different ways. I'm thinking that if I will lose my memories when I will be old, actually I'm losing everything. So all I need now is to draw on the paper my feelings. I will reconstruct my memories with these drawings.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

(VI) Campfire in the cave

We are approaching to the entrance of the cave now. I can see more people working as we approach. Although the last night was the coldest of this winter, people are out with their tools working among the trees. A thin layer of hoarfrost covers the leaves. Trees are naked by now. While walking, I’m thinking that my boots are so heavy, that feels like are made of tree crusty. We are walking silently, looking straight ahead. By time to time I can see sights rising from the soil to us. Is obvious that they’ve noticed me and my dog and they already linked the image of me and Oldie with that chunk of paper that leaded them here. People who joined the migrating group later don’t know about the pariah and they have been ignoring us so far. I keep my hands inside of my coat’s pockets. This way I lose my self in the landscape. “I’m not important, look somewhere else” – is my attitude right now. Probably when I’ll enter the cave I’ll encounter the first contact with them.
The result of my test from last night… I consider it a success; this morning I offered to the pariah a cup of juice of cone pine and they refused it without thinking. That was an innocent way to find out about the effects of the herbs. We are at just two hundred steps from the cave and I can see from here a small yard divided in two: the first one holds a dog; second one holds two horses. I know that around here is quite wild and the animals wander without direction. Also, there is a kind of a small stockroom with just a wooden wall that holds a few animals that have been hunted or trapped like I was yesterday.
I still have headaches. Unluckily, I was unconscious after I’ve been trapped and I couldn’t take care of the wound. If I could take a metal object over the place where I was hit, probably I wouldn’t have this bump on my right side of the head. I care in my pockets a few metal objects like this simple and small steel plate. I use it to heat food if necessary, as a mirror by time to time and sometimes I just crash things on it. I try to keep a side in well condition; otherwise I couldn’t use it as a mirror. I like it because it can’t be broken if I’m involved in some physical action and I can’t be injured by it.
Thinking at that dog that is held in the yard… Is interesting that they are talking about their revelation of ‘a man with a dog’ as an element that they should run, but this dog suggest something different – the man that they avoid might be among them. Or maybe not; the dog could be of any of them. I can’t blame a dog for everything. While approaching the cave, I feel that I felt a little in their belief. Until now, I was the one who said that they are away from reality and now I’m beginning to think us them; just like they are looking at me and Oldie.
Here I am, entering the cave. I think that from inside they can see our silhouettes only. Oldie and the dog from the yard have involved in a barking fight. Actually Oldie is ignoring the other dog, but it looks annoyed of that barking and barks by time to time too as it was saying “calm down, little boy”. The pariah group walks right behind me. They know that they are not welcomed here and leave me to have the first word. I’m walking slower now. I leave that dog to attract attention to us, so someone, who should be representative to the migrating group, would come to us. I know that somewhere around here is their leader. He is waiting for us. As they are organized, I think that they already have communicated our arrival.
“Come and join me”, says a man that appeared from the shadows. He said that, while heading deeper in the cave. At about one hundred steps from the entrance is a campfire. Above it, the ceiling is quite high and has a natural window, so the smoke is harmless to the inhabitants. A few people are standing around the campfire without doing anything. Ashes from the fire floats all over the place as it wouldn’t be gravitation. The man that invited me to follow him walks in the front of me. Is thin, has long black hair and moves just like a shadow. I and the group of pariah are making noises that reflect within the cave, but he doesn’t make any sound.
We’ve gathered around the fire and made a short exchange of sights.
“Take a cup of tea with us stranger”, says the “shadow”, name that fits perfect to his aspect. It’s fast. They didn’t leave me to think too much before giving me the tea. I don’t know if they have acknowledged about its properties, but I have to be careful. On other hand, is the pariah group; they’ve been drinking this tea last night and they might say about that.
“In exchange I can offer you some cigarettes. For those who are smoking”, I’ve said and I took the tobacco from Oldie’s “pocket”. Oldie is sitting quiet on my right. I’ve handed tobacco to “Long hair”, from the pariah group and he spread out to the rest of the people around the fire. We’ve made our cigarettes silently and start discussing.
“I’m a trader”, I’ve said,”I’ve been caught by the winter from behind a few days ago. Deeper in the mountains, the winter is ruling by now. I’ve left in a small shelter that I’ve managed to build, all my goods. The shelter is at about two days from here.” After a break, long enough to take a smoke from my cigarette, I’ve continued.” I had to choose between my goods and my safe. I knew about this cave. Actually I’ve been born and raised not too far from here. This is my first return in years. I’m glad that I’ve found you here.” I was lying very well. The “shadow” doesn’t seem impressed although.
I have to clear my mind because I have to start drink the tea. What I want them to believe? No idea, I will think just like a trader: where are my goods, what goods they have to trade and stuff like these. Now is their turn to speak.
“What about you. You moved here, or you are just passing by?” I’ve asked.
The “shadow” exhaled and pointed his hand to Oldie:” Your dog is too old for adventures like yours. “.
This attitude makes me feel uncomfortable. He leads the discussion in the way that makes me feel that I will talk when he wants and about what he wants. The pariahs have seen the scene and they’ve acted like they’ve already heard my story.
“I thought we had an agreement”, says the “shadow”, looking at my fellows. After a few seconds that were left silent intentionally before his next sentence, he continued:” What have you said about us so far?”
The three pariahs looked one to another and finally the long beard one says:” We’ve met not far from here. He was coming from the east and joined us yesterday…”
“They’ve told me that they are heading to the cave and as I was so hungry, I’ve joined their campfire”. I’ve interrupted “Long beard” in time. Pariahs don’t know about the effects of the tea and they might say or think something that I don’t want.
“We expect someone here”, says the shadow,” we don’t know too much for the moment about this person, but we will find out very soon more.”
He started to tell me things about how they are preparing for the winter. By time to time to time I was loosing his storytelling for studying the people that are passing by. They are living in a silent environment; they communicate just for helping their domestic work. Still, they throw a sight over me by time to time, and I think that that is normal.
“Most of us are sure that this trip have united us and made us conscious about our selves. We’ve left lots of unfinished businesses at home, but it worth so far. As we’ve got numerous, we’ve became more related with the environment. Sometimes I believe that the nature itself is part of our consciousness. While we’ve strengthen the relationship between us, we’ve needed to organize our community in order to survive, and that strengthen the relationship with the nature.” concluded the shadow.
“How do you manage with the food? I mean, the winter is at the door and there are lots of people to feed.” I’ve asked. For the first time I’ve seen a half of smile on “shadow’s” face.
“Some of us know to hunt, some of us worked within special military units from southern and they are trained for situations like our. So you see, we are prepared for long expeditions; surviving is not an issue; we are ready even for expansion, but this is out of discussion”. After throwing a few woods in the fire, he continued:
“As for the food…Inside the cave we can raise mushrooms. It grows very fast. Around here you can find enough animals to hunt, there is the river too and other resources, like pine cone juice, wild fruits that felt on the rocks and are dried by now…” He stopped as we’ve all noticed Long Beard being agitated.
“The pine cone juice… Is it healthy?” asked Long Beard.
“For those who believe that is healthy only.” I’ve said. I think I’ve impressed the ‘shadow’. He starred at me silently for a couple of minutes. I thought I’ve said something wrong.
“You can spend the night in the cave” told me the ‘shadow’ “and you three also”. The pariahs were satisfied about this permission.
The ‘shadow’ and his friends left us, me and the pariah, to eat. As the night has come, I could see the stars through the ceiling of the cave. Tomorrow I will find my answers for the expedition. I have a lot of things in my mind now. What do they know about the herbs? The ‘shadow’ is their leader, that is obvious, but he is not leading alone. What the pariahs didn’t tell me? What do they expect tomorrow from me? Am I the one who are they waiting for? I have a lot of questions. I better go to sleep and wake up early with a clearly mind.



Years later after a war, people wonders what was the spark that fired up that war. We can't expect to change something with the answer to this question, but I guess it doesn't matter if the wars are started or not, as long as each person needs a war to solve a problem. The sad part is that some people are not ready for the war, or even worse, they've already had their war. The worst scenario is the scenario when a native leader leads other people after his life experience, needs and purposes; the other people have to adapt their plans to their leader. There is no reason to change something. At the beginning of the ages, the man was hunting, that is still in our blood, is like air to us. So why we would need an eternal peace ?!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

(V) Silhouettes

Things don’t go always as you plan and while I was satisfied that I’m not late with my expedition, something unexpected changed my situation. When I waked up after the first night with my new mates – the “pariah”, the one with the long hair was playing at a some sort of a guitar (which seemed to be modified to fit his bag). I guess that people who travel a lot don’t have too many ways to have fun. Standing there, near the river, at the sunrise, was obviously that these three persons are innocent.

We’ve gathered our bags and leaved. In the first hours we’ve moved slowly; we’ve been gathering some mushrooms, I’ve made some juice from pine cones again (that was a surprise for my fellows) and ‘Oldie’ tracked the migrating groups trail. This part of the trip was nice; the mountains and the cool air were improving my mental state. I think that it was also the relief that the group of three is harmless.

As we were getting closer to the migrating group, we’ve planned that I have to present my self as a trader. The goods are missing, but I know that I can invent a story to explain my lack of goods. I would present my self as a doctor, but I have no knowledge about medicine (except surviving skills) and I could easily fell for a simple scratch. Anyway, the equipment that I carry it shows enough what I’m not. We were at less than two hours of walk to the cave. The road in front of us is turning left after a hill and then goes right again and in the distance I can see some campfires, crowd and people moving, working and lots of action.

As I stand now I can’t see all of that anymore. While gathering food from the bushes, I’ve felt in a trap. The migrating people have arrived here with enough time before us to set traps for animals, and one of these traps had pointed me with the legs against the sky and the head against the soil. A rope tied in a tall tree caught my legs and launched me into the sky, but not before hitting my head in the dirt. I’ve been unconscious for one hour after my calculations. When I waked up I was dizzy and standing with the head directed to the soil. The rope was crunching by time to time as it was moved by me and the wind. From here I can see “Oldie” standing below me and watching how I was swinging and floating above it. From a not so big distance a few silhouettes struggles to put a tree down. I can’t see too much in that direction as the mist dominates the atmosphere now, but they are for sure members of the migration group. The sunset doesn’t fight anymore with the mist. Two of my fellows are preparing again to camp, while the one with beard tries to climb the tree to get me down. It was obvious that this day is ruined and we have to wait till tomorrow morning to leave.

I can see clearly the silhouettes while hitting with their axes in the tree. The wood spreads the echoes of their beats and as I am hanged with my head down, I can feel the air vibrating around me. I’m bleeding quite badly. The head wounds usually bleed more and since I’m standing like this, all the blood is directed to the head. I can see blood drops that falls around my old dog.

Sooner or later I will get down from here. Either “Long Beard” will cut the rope, either I will have enough strength to cut it, or hopefully not, the hunter will get its prey. For the moment, until I regain my strength, I must make a plan to test those herbs. Is the last night before the big meeting and I must to understand the effects of the herbs over the mind. So, here it is how it should happen: first, we will drink the tea together; during this time I need to make my questions heard; also, I have to think at something that they should think that is one of my hidden thoughts. After going to sleep, in my dream I should be in their persons, answering the questions. In their dreams they will be me and here my thoughts. Tomorrow morning I will have the results.

The plan is good, but what exactly do I need to test? If I can manipulate their thoughts? Or if I can find secrets that interests me? Probably both. First I will try to manipulate them. While drinking tea, I will think that the pine cone juice is poisoning. And what secret they might have? I think that they know more about the migration’s group leader. I remember that once, while talking about how is the migrating group organized, they’ve been evasive.

The migrating group has established their base for the winter. Probably a part of them will stay inside the cave, and else will have tents built out of the trees that are lumbered in the vicinity. It’s a good position. The cave is safe as a shelter, the river is quite close, so they can fish, the wood surrounds this place and they have fire to warm. I wonder if their leader really believes what is prophesying or is just a way to take advantage of these people.
The mist is gone by now. I can’t sleep right now, even if is past after midnight. I’ve been unconscious one hour when I’ve felt in the trap and other two or three hours after I’ve lost a large quantity of blood standing hanged with my head down. I couldn’t even try to release my self from that trap. “Long Beard” have untied the rope and he felt badly too. I appreciate his almost four hours of effort. I’ve recovered myself fast with a big quantity of fresh water from the river and a few birds toasted by my fellows. I’ve reached my purpose for this night; I and the three “pariah” shared the tea and I gave them a cigarette too. I’ve left one to smoke alone while walking with “Oldie”. Now I can only go to sleep and start dreaming. I will see tomorrow what I can do with the herbs in the future.



I don't know if the man dominates the nature or is dominated by it. Sometimes a person when is in a dramatic situation senses that the nature has the same tense as its feeling, or the atmosphere around has the same pattern. This would look like a moment of panic, but in reality I think that the nature contributes somehow to this tension. Is true that the man is inducting to itself this feeling by imagining that a tree has a scary form, which in a different situation would look banal, but the natures offers the stimulents, the tools and sometimes the reason for this feelings. At this moment the person is at the border between normal and panic and at any single wind pale it might fell on one of these sides...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

(IV) Pariah

I desperately need to rest. I am close to the migrating group. In two days I will catch them. My problem is that there is a small group which stands between us. They travel at about half of hour of walking in the front of me and they move slowly and with lots of stops. They slow me down and I’m still expecting changes on the road or on their behavior to see which should be my best move. I can’t make a detour. At the right is the river; at the left is this large cliff which will just kill my feet.
First time when I’ve seen them was last night before the dark. Actually the dog was acting strange and I become alerted. I’ve made a stop and I double checked the footsteps, the surrounding trees, and the riverside and finally after I’ve passed the corner of a hill I’ve seen a campfire. I got close and I watched the people around it carefully. There were three people in this small group. One was taking care of the fire, one was cutting something, probably some food, and the last man was standing on a trunk while speaking to his mates. The man speaking was trying to explain something thinking after his gestures. His long beard was shaking while he was talking. The man who was throwing woods on the fire has a blonde long hair and seems to be the tallest among them. I was careful with them because I believed that they are either members of the migrating group, either the hunters of that group. My first think was to check if there aren’t other people from their group in their vicinity. After that I’ve checked if they have athletics body. They have. That means that I have to be careful further on. After about two hours of watching, one of them leaved at about 150 steps from the others and collected something from the bushes, an animal probably. The ease that the animal was collected makes me believe that they had a trap and there could be more traps. So I couldn’t get too close to analyze more. Last night I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t make a fire; I was risking to be seen. Without fire, the cold got into my every bone till this morning.

Today I walked behind them, still analyzing and looking for a detour. I have to decide if I will get in touch with them. I didn’t eat too much in the last two days; I haven’t sleep and the night that approaches looks to be even colder. Here is also a higher altitude. But I have to get in contact with them before the dark; otherwise they may consider me hostile. In the last two days my only food was from the pine cones. I’ve managed to gather juice enough to fill the can made by the “smith”. My buddy, “Oldie” didn’t have to say anything about the food, but it surely understood the situation. For six days of walking most our resources of energy was this juice of pine cone, a few fishes and some bread left from home. I will hurry a bit and I will get in contact with them. Maybe they know more about the migrating group. If they are trails of the migrating group, it should be useful to travel with them. I’ve been rushed enough till now; the migrating group is not far, so I can take it easy. I am getting close to them. They’ve camped and now they are collecting branches for the campfire. My old dog is walking a few steps in front of me and it doesn’t seem to be angry at all. They’ve seen me. They didn’t hold their activity; the one with long hair is starting the fire again and the long beard one is laughing at the others. The last one seems to have appetite for talking. This is a good sign; a person who speaks a lot tells lots of things that shouldn’t be said. “You need help to start the fire?” I’ve asked the long hair one. “If you have some thatch, you can help. Are you interested in joining us at the campfire?”


After a few hours of chatting I got some answers finally. The small group of three is not walking together with the migrating group. They’ve encountered the migrating group a few weeks ago. Lots of people from their village joined the people that were passing near their homes. The migrating group had camped a night near their homes, but it was enough to convince some people to leave their home and run as soon they’ve managed with the others.While traveling, the group got numerous little by little and now is about two thousand souls who walk through the mountains. I think that is a mistake; is not safe to go in a campaign when the winter is so close. If they are heading for the cave, they should be aware that is not enough room for all of them. Maybe there is enough space in the cave for all, but they can start the fire only where is an entrance; otherwise the smoke from campfires would suffocate a part of them. I’m sitting here, looking at the moon and trying to get some sleep. After talking with these three guys I think I can say that they are not a danger at all. They drink more then average people, but they don’t get drunk. Here, at a few steps by the river, in the middle of the mountains is colder then other places and the alcohol doesn’t effects your reality sense. In fact it warms you and moves your blood. They’ve tried to join the migrating group, but they were refused several times because they had some disputes about the actions of the group. They, the “pariah”, as they have been called, said that the people should stick together, but without going anywhere. The leader of the migrating group says that they need to go as far as they can, preferably to get to the cave.

The “pariah” explained to me the reason of this migration. It started when a few people found an old chunk of paper that represented a man, a dog, a map, a cave and some text. The text says that a person wants to lead them to death. After this discovery the people didn’t talked with anyone about this, but they organized them selves into a small expedition group with the purpose of checking if it really exist such a cave. While on the road to the north, they’ve encountered other people who knew about that chunk of paper and without any negotiation the group was getting numerous each day.

Let’s see how the situation right now is. There is the migrating group, of about 2000 people, which is in a state of some mysticism, mass madness or whatever that is. On other hand is this small ‘pariah’ group which would join the migrating group, but they are not in the same state of mind as the other group. And finally there is me, who am investigating all this. I’m feeling peculiar about that chunk of paper that moved all these people. It looks like it represents me and I don’t feel like being of any importance as long I’m a, let’s say, ‘neutral’ acting person. I’ve noted so far on my own chunk of paper some important points in my expedition so far.Me and the group of three, decided to travel together. I’ve kept the herbs out of them so far. I didn’t want to intimidate them so far, but I have to test it on them. Now I’ll watch the fire till I’ll fall asleep.



When things looks so familiar and we get bored of doing same things over and over again, it happens something that we don’t expect. Same thing is repeating endless, but in different ways and we are just struggling to repeat that thing. Its just a paradox that we don’t realize; its like we are becoming a machine and we lose our selves on behalf of repeating things. Repeating things it becomes our main purpose.